Kansas Wild Life
Phill Kline, that shining beacon of anti-abortion zealotry, made national news with his crusade against abortion when as Kansas' Attorney General, he absconded with an abortion clinic's medical records for 90 girls and women. And SOMEONE gave data from those medical records to Bill O'Reilly for Phill Kline's appearance on his TV show.
Phill lost big time in his run for a second term as Kansas Attorney General against Paul Morrison, who became a new Democrat to enter the race. That left open Morrison's job as my county's District Attorney. But once again, Phill made national news when the Kansas Republican Party, in a ruinous twist, replaced Morrison with Kline. Even though we voted Phill out, he has come back, reincarnated as my county's DA.
What is the matter with Kansas? Are we all Phill Kiline clones? Nah. Our Attorney General-elect, Morrison, is a top-quality specimen of native fauna.
Sure Phill's exist in Kansas wildlife. They are similar to the demi-weasel (half-human) life form that falls prey to its own bitter prattle. We have crazy John Brown of Kansas Border Wars, KS Rep Landwehr telling me she wants to search the poorest Kansan's homes for "illegal assets", hatchet-wielding temperance leader Carry Nation & shameful Rev Fred Phelps picketer at fallen soldiers' funerals. You know the species-selling misrepresented goods at outrageous costs. Oh right another quirk, they hold grudges forever & retaliate, so if I disappear...
This strain of demi-weasles led the most hardcore of Kansas sheep into quicksands of insanity. (The rest of our sheep are identical DNA matches to your state's sheep) In the 6000-year-old world of the hardcore sheep, it makes sense for pro-lifers to shoot healers & dethroned Board of Education members to bomb science books. But it's OK, I'm about to close a deal with them on some Kansas ocean-side property.
Sure, we enjoy the usual droves of asses, sounders of boars, broods of chickens, intrusions of cockroaches, drays of squirrels, skulks of foxes & a few ferrets. But plenty of us are an amalgamation of pioneer stock-strong, tough, stubborn, smart, creative, hard-working people big on respect.
We're Amelia Earhart & 3 astronauts, Wyatt Earp & Eisenhower. We're Buster Keaton, Emmett Kelly & Ed Asner. John Cameron Swayze, William Allen White of original, "What's the Matter with Kansas?" essays, recent author Thomas Franks & Laura Ingalls Wilder. We're Charlie Parker, the Stan Kenton Band & the Jolly Green Giant/professional bass opera singer. Wilt (the Stilt) Chamberlain, the Great White Hope, Walter "Big Train" Johnson & 3 of the world's fastest men. The first female Harlem Globetrotter & the founder of the Ladies PGA. We invented basketball, helicopters, computer integrated circuits, Coleman coolers, peanut butter, ice machines, hand-held calculators, Chryslers & found Pluto when it was still a planet.
Then there's my dad, a WWII sharp shooter who traveled between General Patton and Eisenhower's offices. When Dad was discharged he returned via Chicago. The Army decided he should remain in Chicago to train soldiers. Dad said he was out. So they compromised. Dad agreed to stay but refused to salute. The Army agreed to court martial him. But then the Army yielded & sent Dad home...to Kansas.
So what species is AG Paul Morrison? A native cougar, of course. Like my Dad. Like many of us.
